I'm not sure what the point of writing this entry since, as far as I know, the only guy who occasionally reads sheepdip is Gumphood and whilst on his blog he is renowned for writing critiques on the battle tactics of assulting the Death Star - I'm still confident he knows how to remove a bra.
The year was 1982 and I had my first 'real' girlfriend.
Her name was Danni. A sweet girl with dirty blonde hair, large brown eyes and a 4 inch height advantage over me. She was the downstairs neighbour of my friend Henry (too be fair my dating life would have suffered greatly with access to Henry's neighbours, sister's friends and friends of his girlfriends... I was little shy back then).
We had met at the typical meatmarket/hook up place for private school kids in Brisbane, the bus stop.
Henry and I were heading back to boarding school after weekend leave and she was off to day school. I can't remember much of the conversation we had except that I asked her how it felt to wear a vomit green uniform and she asked me what it was like to dress like a mormon.
(Sample uniform photos to give you the visual)
The only reason I recall that part of the conversation is Danni, to this day, reminds me that it was the worst pickup line she's ever heard.HAH! it still worked.
Skip to four weeks later and we were sitting in the back row of the Queen St cinema, watching Star Trek II - The Wrath of Khan. We had kissed a bit and held hands until they got too sweaty when - feeling frisky- I went for the yawn and stretch.
Success! My hand was now behind her back.
Under the pretense of rubbing her back, I explored the clasp. Ok, not velcro - some kind of button or hook arrangement - if I just held it here and moved my finger like this.... and SNAP....the bra slipped out of my hand and fwacked back onto Danni.
"Ouch!, Why did you do that?"
"I'm going home now"
As a teenager I came to the conclusion that bras were a father's revenge on all the dirty little boys that were trying to grope their daughters, a modern day chasity belt of machiavellian proportions and the teenage version of a gordian knot.
The answer however is surprisingly simple.
How you find a girl and get the opportunity to use this technique is a discussion for another day, suffice to say in 1982 it took me another month of major grovelling.
Some men will argue that you need two hands - thus need you are required to be facing her directly and disguise your move as part of a hug or give up and just stand behind her.
True, these methods work but they lack finesee to my taste. Others will quite bluntly state that it's the woman's responsiblity to remove the bra and I have one mate who totally boycotts the whole exercise (coward).
To my way of thinking, women want to be seduced and seduction requires technique and the abililty to say, "Gosh how did that happen?"
To this end, you need to ability to undo a bra one handed and here's the key to the mission.
USE YOUR LEFT HAND.
Sounds weird but trust me there is a biomechanical and bra design reason for this.
1) Remember that the bra's design uses hooks and eyes as a clasp. The hooks are located on the left hand side of the bra and hence need to moved to to opposite for undoing.
2) Biomechanically, your thumb is oppossed to and naturally moves underneath your fingers.
So, using your left hand, slide your middle finger underneath the bra strap but close to the clasp. Position your thumb on top of bra strap and on the other side of the clasp and then make the motion of rubbing your thumb and finger together.
Try it and PING the clasp will undo.
With some practice, your hand does not even have to be underneath her shirt. These days I can undo a bra over a shirt, sweater and even a winter coat but a word to the wise - undoing your girlfriend's bra while attending a (boring) church wedding WILL get you into trouble. Please use some discretion.
Front buttoned bras are another conundrum that has foiled me many a time. My only suggestion is to do what I do and use your teeth.
For further discussions on lacey undergarments - see Underoos for Who - Why do Women Wear G-Strings?