Sheepdip

The Week That Was - 19 Jan 2007

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To save water and battle the continuing drought, Brisbane residents are encouraged to shower together. Sales of tinea cream skyrocket.
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Julia Gillard, Deputy Leader of the (opposition) Labor Party released a new policy calling for two years unpaid materinity leave for working mothers, allowing them to return to their previous position regardless of how successful their replacement has been. Kim Beasley promptly declared he is pregnant.

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Jennifer Hawkins new underwear ad is banned in New Zealand for being too racy for their puritan tastes. Do I have to make the compulsory sheep joke?

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Jesus and the Apostles try out for American Idol.

They did not make it through to the Hollywood round with Simon Cowell stating "It was the worst performance since Vishnu tried to sing Nickelback". Paula Abdul licked her fingers and asked Jesus "if he was single" and Randy gave "props to the dawg for his innovative use of a doo rag".

 

The Week That Was - Nov5

From: communications_minister_1984@wecanseeyou.gov.au
To: ABC Serfs
Re: Media bias will not be tolerated

Dear Minions, 5th Columnists, Ugly Women Who Can't Keep a Man and Kerry O'Brien,

It has come to my attention of a grevious example of media bias at the ABC.

Despite a number of policy directives, re-education charters and communiques, you bunch of sissy boys continue to ignore that Australia is multicultural nation and as such a  wide body of opinion and political stances must be shown.

As a public broadcaster, it is incumbent upon you to include the daily talking points expressed by:-

The Mongol Hordes
Visigoths and Independant Bezerkers
Feudal Overlords
and Bob the Taxi Driver who drove me to the club last night and doesn't like Murries.

A sensible chap.

I write to you of this blatant example of social engineering that you are trying to foist upon the noble aspirational voters of the homeland.



While there are two Bananas, both wearing Pajamas in the program, they hardly represent a diverse range of opinion. Look at this dialogue from yesterday's episode:-

B1: Would you like to go the shops B2?
B2: Oh yes B1. Can we get Punky Chicken some seeds to eat?
B1: Of course B2.

They agree with each other!

Where is the adversarial to and fro? The heated debate? The arse kicking of  B1 for his socialist agenda of providing Punky Chicken with free food without any work or payment?  My father always told me, "Give a chicken free food today and it's a slippery slope to tax payer funded coops and inter-marriage between poultry and vegetables tomorrow."

Why isn't his opinion being broadcasted?

However this is an easy fix and I expect the following costume changes to be implemented immediately.

Now get back to work or the beatings will resume.

Nigel "Jocko" Witherspoon
Minister for Communications and Drowning Kittens

The Week That Was - October 6

Prime Minister of Australia, John Howard announced this week that we are in"a generational struggle for ideals of democratic freedom and liberty under the law" and then proceeded to ban books from a university library.

The opposition party in parliament castigated the Prime Minister and said he should be supporting free speech and to please shut up.

Have you ever noticed that men who shout out "Show us your tits!" generally have man boobs themselves. Perhaps they're asking for bra support advice?

The US signed into law that torture lite (trademark Haliburton) is aok. The reasoning given is that if a terrorist had a nuclear bomb and we only had minutes to defuse it, then a little water-boarding is required. A freedom of information search has shown the legislative document is actually a script from 24 with a Presidential signing statement of "Jack Bauer is a badasssss!"

Secretary of State, Condaleeza Rice visited Baghdad this week and declared the security situation has vastly improved and is being misrepresented by the media. Fashion commentators noted that Dr Rice looked very fetching in her camouflage colored suit and armored flack jacket.

The Brisbane Broncos won the National Rugby League premiership this week giving all Queensland males permission to cry and hug each other without accusations of homosexuality. Our lads were also excited with the launch of a third Queensland team for next years competition.

No mention was made if the Gold Coast Titan's uniform will remain a gold unitard.

The Week That Was - 16 September - Feature Addition

Forget all other stories from the previous week.

5th Anniversary of 9/11.
Pope ignites Muslim Fury.
Phil stubs his toe.

There was only one story that counted.

Australian Television Refutes the Decline of Journalism.

Sheepdip is pleased to announce the safe return of Naomi Robson and the Chanel 7 Today Tonight, current affairs team from their attempt to rescue an orphaned Papua New Guinean boy from cannibals.

Naomi, the proud and defiant host of Australia's highest rating current affairs show, (link SMH)

Having taken half an hour to perfect hair and make-up, the Today Tonight anchor emerged from customs refusing to be drawn into the bloodletting that has been dubbed the Wa-Wa War.

Robson and four colleagues were trying to enter the Indonesian province to "save" a six-year-old boy named Wa-Wa from a neighbouring tribe who had reportedly earmarked him for ritual killing and eating, believing him to be a sorcerer responsible for his parents' deaths.

"I don't blame anybody," Robson declared and reiterated her grave concern for the little boy she never met "because he is inside the jungle".

Ms Robson and her team were deported for entering the country on Tourist Visas. Rumours abound that rival station Chanel 9 had tipped off the authorities to protect their filmed story about WaWa which was aired on Sunday night.

Sheepdip applauds the courage and convictions of Ms Robson who said "an attempt to rescue a six-year Papuan boy allegedly under threat from cannibals was no stunt, and the Seven network would continue to look at ways to help."

With Today Tonight committed to covering the hard stories, we do wonder how WaWa's story could of been intergrated with other stories featuring on their website. (click the photo to see full size)

Questions we would like Naomi to answer.

1) Would the rescue of WaWa been succesful if Steve Irwin was still alive to say "Crikey" and leap upon the boy to tie him up?

2) Did the rescue of WaWa fail because of his lack of English for immigration purposes and followup publicity?

3) What is the calorie intake of eating a 6 year old boy? Will his thighs go straight to my thighs?

The Week That Was - 27 August

Important lessons were learnt on the Australian response to the fight on terror. If you want to keep us safe, don’t worry about inappropriate military involvement in Iraq, Afghanistan or East Timor raising the hackles of extremists. Worry about the umpiring in cricket test matches.  Australian Umpire Darrell Hair declared the match between England and Pakistan a forfeit after the Pakistan team refused to take the field following a 5 run penalty for ball tampering. The kindest response from our cricket brothers has been offers to remove the balls from Hair.

In a show of solidarity, Hezbollah have changed the spelling of their name to HezBOWLah and infidel be-headings are now known as the Square Cut.

Pluto was downgraded this week from a full fledged planet of our Solar System to merely a dwarf prompting protests from other Disney characters. A spokesperson for Snow White said today that “She doesn't need another dwarf circling Uranus. Any more than seven and people think you are a slut." 

Snakes on a Plane has impacted on cinema tastes with copy cat movies being rushed into production. Cat in a Car, Mice on a Moped and Snails on a Segway are all commencing principal photography. Taking his cue from Emminen and 50 Cent who both starred in movies based on their true lives, KFed announced his plans to marry the Rapper Autobiography with the Snakes phenomena and star in a movie of his own life; Crabs in My Bush.

The Queensland state election is hotting up with Opposition Leader Bruce Flegg, being accused of  sexism and insensitivity after apologising for a previous gaff by saying “It was my blonde moment”. In the opinion of this writer, Fleggie – by the simple fact of his own blondness – has shown the self fulfilling prophecy of his statement and scientifically proven that he is also a big girl’s blouse.