I'm not sure what the point of writing this entry since, as far as I know, the only guy who occasionally reads sheepdip is Gumphood and whilst on his blog he is renowned for writing critiques on the battle tactics of assulting the Death Star - I'm still confident he knows how to remove a bra.
The year was 1982 and I had my first 'real' girlfriend.
Her name was Danni. A sweet girl with dirty blonde hair, large brown eyes and a 4 inch height advantage over me. She was the downstairs neighbour of my friend Henry (too be fair my dating life would have suffered greatly with access to Henry's neighbours, sister's friends and friends of his girlfriends... I was little shy back then).
We had met at the typical meatmarket/hook up place for private school kids in Brisbane, the bus stop.
Henry and I were heading back to boarding school after weekend leave and she was off to day school. I can't remember much of the conversation we had except that I asked her how it felt to wear a vomit green uniform and she asked me what it was like to dress like a mormon.
(Sample uniform photos to give you the visual)
The only reason I recall that part of the conversation is Danni, to this day, reminds me that it was the worst pickup line she's ever heard.HAH! it still worked.
Skip to four weeks later and we were sitting in the back row of the Queen St cinema, watching Star Trek II - The Wrath of Khan. We had kissed a bit and held hands until they got too sweaty when - feeling frisky- I went for the yawn and stretch.
Success! My hand was now behind her back.
Now what?
Under the pretense of rubbing her back, I explored the clasp. Ok, not velcro - some kind of button or hook arrangement - if I just held it here and moved my finger like this.... and SNAP....the bra slipped out of my hand and fwacked back onto Danni.
"Ouch!, Why did you do that?"
"Umm errr"
"That hurt"
"Errr Umm"
"I'm going home now"
As a teenager I came to the conclusion that bras were a father's revenge on all the dirty little boys that were trying to grope their daughters, a modern day chasity belt of machiavellian proportions and the teenage version of a gordian knot.
The answer however is surprisingly simple.
How you find a girl and get the opportunity to use this technique is a discussion for another day, suffice to say in 1982 it took me another month of major grovelling.
Some men will argue that you need two hands - thus need you are required to be facing her directly and disguise your move as part of a hug or give up and just stand behind her.
True, these methods work but they lack finesee to my taste. Others will quite bluntly state that it's the woman's responsiblity to remove the bra and I have one mate who totally boycotts the whole exercise (coward).
To my way of thinking, women want to be seduced and seduction requires technique and the abililty to say, "Gosh how did that happen?"
To this end, you need to ability to undo a bra one handed and here's the key to the mission.
USE YOUR LEFT HAND.
Sounds weird but trust me there is a biomechanical and bra design reason for this.
1) Remember that the bra's design uses hooks and eyes as a clasp. The hooks are located on the left hand side of the bra and hence need to moved to to opposite for undoing.
2) Biomechanically, your thumb is oppossed to and naturally moves underneath your fingers.
So, using your left hand, slide your middle finger underneath the bra strap but close to the clasp. Position your thumb on top of bra strap and on the other side of the clasp and then make the motion of rubbing your thumb and finger together.
Try it and PING the clasp will undo.
With some practice, your hand does not even have to be underneath her shirt. These days I can undo a bra over a shirt, sweater and even a winter coat but a word to the wise - undoing your girlfriend's bra while attending a (boring) church wedding WILL get you into trouble. Please use some discretion.
Front buttoned bras are another conundrum that has foiled me many a time. My only suggestion is to do what I do and use your teeth.
For further discussions on lacey undergarments - see Underoos for Who - Why do Women Wear G-Strings?
I'm SO going to show this to my husband. He has yet to master the one-handed removal.
Posted by: Megin | 19 March 2005 at 10:39 PM
Ha I figured this method out with my first girlfriend. There is NOTHIGN worse then when a guy is fumbling forever and finally I have to say OH PLEASE let me and then I just pop it off with one hand behind my back. jackasses.
Posted by: betty | 20 March 2005 at 02:20 AM
I wouldnt be so sure of gump being able to unhook a bra!!!
my boyfriends dont have to worry about this. my boobs are so perky i dont need to wear a bra.
that was a total lie. and i've yet to meet a guy that didnt have problems. one was so inept he actually tried to push it over my head.
*shudder*
Posted by: Kelly | 20 March 2005 at 02:25 AM
oh and incase you havent guessed...it was biff. yes biff, the gorilla boy, creator of the patented dip and swirl.
Posted by: Kelly | 20 March 2005 at 02:35 AM
One of my male friends is so inept at bra removal when his freind (also a male) borrowed a bra of mine for drag.
When i got it returned the hooks were RIPPED off, apparently they found it so hard to get off (bearing in mind that in the usual male manner there was one person wearing the bra, another trying to remove it and 8 others giving "helpful" advice,) that they decided the best, and most technical, option was simply to give it a good "yank" and low and behold, it ripped.
I despair at the male species!
Posted by: Helen | 20 March 2005 at 02:50 AM
Oh man, all your comments cracked me up especially when you remember that men are suposed to be the "technical/mechanical" experts! Hey, I may not be able to strip the cylinder head of my car or rebuild a driveshaft but I am master of the bra.
Helen:- loved the "8 others giving helpful advice"!
Betty:-Great to get some input from someone who's been on both sides of the equation. OH PLEASE... love it.
Megin:- Be patient and let me know Dan's progress (that sounds dirtier than I mean)
Kel:- I think Gump's ok because gurkfriends don't wear bras. Biff tried to push it over your head. Classic!
Posted by: Phil | 20 March 2005 at 01:19 PM
Kelly --- Hahahahahahahah to Biff. How on EARTH did you hook up with that freak?
Posted by: andreeb | 21 March 2005 at 12:36 AM
muhahahaa... wayne must be a man of hidden talent. having never even attempted it before, he managed it pretty quickly first time. oh the memories :)
Posted by: Charley | 22 March 2005 at 02:17 AM
Loved this post. Would it be too obvious to print it out and leave it on the coffee table?
Posted by: Kristy | 22 March 2005 at 07:45 AM
Not at all Kristy - this was a public service post!
Posted by: Phil | 22 March 2005 at 12:08 PM
I absolutely loved this post! It made me laugh. I find it works better with the right hand though, for some reason.
Posted by: Lu | 22 March 2005 at 01:53 PM
Taking your bra off? That happens? Sorry, I had forgotten. Been married to a yackass for years whose idea of foreplay was saying "take your pants off, let's do it"
Maybe my next boyfriend will be normal.
~ANYWAYS~
This post had me laughing. Thanks!
Posted by: | 28 March 2005 at 03:34 AM
what a great entry... I am eighteen and removing the bra is one of my specialties. Some people are good at math others are good at english. I have an amazing ability to unclasp any bra at anytime using anything. But I always thought that it came natural. I was with a girl last night and she started taking her bra off and I was like "I can do it." She was surprised also b/c she didn't know that any guy could do that. And By the way I picked her up at a WEDDING... Thanks Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn!!!
**Adam my son - welcome to the club and I wish you many years of bra removal**
Posted by: adam | 01 December 2005 at 05:12 AM
Nice site I havent laughed as much in a long time. I have yet to meet a guy tht can unclip my bra with out the whole fondling moment tht is such a red neck to go through, I would much rather just take the fecker off an maybe actually have some sex before he opens his mouth an turns me off.
Posted by: Teasy | 27 November 2006 at 09:36 AM
people I have the exception........today I realised tht my boyr
friend aint as dumb as i thought he unclipped my bra first go with one hand weh hey ;)
Posted by: Teasy | 28 November 2006 at 03:53 AM
Yea I used to try it on friends when walking from home from school (that would be sexual assult today, then it was just plain fun), then i didnt have anyone for a few years then last night when i was with my missus i tried my old technique again and HAZAA (lol) it worked, it must belike riding a bike once you do it a few times you never forget.
Posted by: Steve0 | 23 January 2007 at 06:53 AM
For more on the subject..
http://www.idkwtf.com/videos-how-to-remove-a-bra
Posted by: Emmanuel | 05 February 2007 at 02:32 PM
Why are everybody's email adresses visible ? Couldn't you say something on the comment form ?
Jeez.. that's an invitation to spam. Thanks a lot, dude.
:(
Posted by: Emmanuel | 05 February 2007 at 02:34 PM
thanks so much i have been shut down time and time again because i could never figure out how to pass first base. Thanks for all your help now i can finally become a real man. got to go my sisters waiting for me to try it out!
Posted by: Michael | 13 February 2007 at 11:01 AM
Haha! I love it, what an entry! As shamefull as it is, took me more then a few go's to get it right! But if i read this, likely would have saved me from feeling like a bit of a real amature at times. Well thanks, i thought it was funny as, also very informing at the same time. And very correct, left hand !
Posted by: Brendan | 21 February 2007 at 07:16 PM
Hilariously insightful article; a word to all women out there, Velcro bra's are the greatest inventions of all time so buy more of them.
Posted by: Haysues | 13 March 2007 at 11:22 AM
lol, awsome post! I gatta say though you need to write a follow up. My wife's jaw dropped one day when I snaked my head under her arm and unhooked her bra with my just my teeth. I swear to god it was the first time I ever tried it, and had it off in under a second. Try it! It's a blast to see their expression. Get the whole clasp unit into your mouth with your teeth and then slide your bottom jaw out to pull apart the hooks. Just to be sure you don't sit there getting their back all slobery you might practice on a bra she's not wearing.
Cheers!
Posted by: Chris | 16 June 2007 at 11:17 AM
I lesbian and even the women I've been with have had trouble. Women put a bra on by turning it around, so the clasps are in the front. Even with everyday experience, it is different to take it off while facing another girl. It's to be expected that it would be difficult for a guy when even girls have trouble tkaing it off.
Posted by: Sarah-Lynn | 11 July 2007 at 02:11 AM
My suggestion is for a guy to find an opportunity to practice doing this adroitly. It's a real turn-off for this kind of fumbling to occur in a moment of passion, you know! It's really not hard to learn to do. Once I served as a live mannequin for a guy pal to practice the skill of bra unsnapping through clothing! Needless to say, we were really good Platonic friends!
Posted by: Angel | 03 October 2007 at 02:12 AM
ha! this post was awesome! scared the crap outta my gf (got her while walking in the mall) and it somehow got her "bothered" thanks again i always wondered about the one-handed method
Posted by: anthony | 09 October 2007 at 12:44 PM